i hope its not what i think it is,you said it but i wont know

damn after seeing all the pictures i got so much more to think about today,i seem to be sleeping later and later.i wonder if se will have to clear my pics,but there were 2 damn important ones,and i bet we are the only two who has it,no one else will.for the past months i spent hours on the com trying to get them all,im proud of what i got,but now,the situation has changed,i can see,but cant have them,you wont send them,you wont allow me to get them,theres so many ways,but i only got to lousiest way,the way you did,back in my best days,when i waqs ur wallpaper boy,i had 11o of them all so damn important,though it may not matter to anyone else,its alot to me,everyone is a memory and a story,and im not crazy,so please dont password it.i had as much as could take except that one,and now theres another,but i have to be gratefull that we are still friends.after the internet connections is lost after the msg that worries me i dont know what i wanted to type so much just now,now the new situation is another big thing has happened,im not going to be defeated,ill do my best i promise myself,because no one else cares,all they do is think im crazy or laugh,ill start next week,i havent practice guitar since last saturday,im starting to loose interests,bryan called me today,it feels much better talking as i havent spoken in hours,its just tv and reading and msgs rarely,i wonder if i go to ite next year what my hair will be like,ill let it grow and let it be stale and clean,then im a bald piece of crap when i go to army,by that time,ill be in tekong,wondering why i let you go to aus....i wonder what i have to do when i collect my results,it willl be sad wearing my uniform again,the one you loved,the one through it all.sometimes i wish i can make right decisions,so i dont have to piss you off.im sorry.sometimes i wonder why am i like that,i hope you wont say what you said the last time,its cruel,but its love.how i wish what they think is the real thing,but its just so far from the fact,so far that i can just hope for it to come true,enjoy tv everybody,why of all time does it have to happen,when my sister and mum walks around so much,i prefer the times in my room,when no one can see me,its really nice to have a brother who you can watch to spray insecticide on a cockroach for a minute when ure sad,isnt it amazing that when ure sad there will be someone who will make you feel better,thanks mummy,thanks jason,when i look into your eyes,i can see a love restrained,but darlin when i hold you dont you know i feel the same cause nothin lasts forever and we both know hearts can change,and its hard to hold a candle,we've been through this such a long time,just trying to kill the pain,but lovers always come and lovers always go and no ones really sure whos letting go today walking away,if we could make take the time to lay it on the line,i could rest my head,just knowing that you were mine...all mine...so if you want to love me,then darling dont refrain......hope everything goes well from the second day of december onwards